weird as hell.
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He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.
from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)

(via thebicker)


i want dogs to be allowed at more places and i want children under 6 to not be

(via campbelltoe)

When life gives me lemons, I’m gonna slice them up into wedges and throw them into vodka tonics, which I will sip in a burlesque nightclub that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls.

"Immigrant Song", Led Zeppelin, 1970.

(via afternoonsnoozebutton)

life plan.

(via afternoonsnoozebutton)

plans for 2014

  • care less about everything
  • get hot
  • sleep

(via lordofthejohnlock)

…and then I accidentally ate two pints of cherry tomatoes. #deadlynightshade